Over the past 2 years or so I have really spent a good bit of time thinking about what it means to be a "helpmeet" to my husband. I am ashamed to say that although I had read Created To Be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl several years ago, I had not really made any changes in my attitudes and behaviours. I had a wake-up call of sorts about two years ago, reread the book and realized that many of the stories she told of foolish wives pertained to me. I couldn't see it years earlier although it was true of me then, too. Anyway, I poured over the Bible and this book and scoured the library for anything I could find that would help me become the wife God had intended me to be. I was desperate to save my crumbling marriage! I was ashamed of my laziness and pride which had culminated in the awful situation I found myself in. I was a Christian; a homeschooling mother..... How could I have been so blind to the needs of my husband? With my attitude of ingratitude and disinterest, I drove him away! I had managed to make him feel unattractive, unwanted, unloved, and unappreciated. He honestly believed I only cared about his paycheck! At first I was defensive and looked only for his faults and errors. Over time, however, the Lord opened my eyes to my shortcomings and flaws as well. Once my focus was off my husband and what he needed to change, I could see the huge plank in my own eye. I have to admit, it was sobering. I grieved for the years I had wasted; the poor example I had been to my children. I am well aware that my husband doesn't do everything right, nor did he refrain from doing things wrong. I cannot change him; it isn't my job to change him or even to convict him... I had spent years "playing the role" of the Holy Spirit, nagging, whining, complaining. Never seeing myself as I was because I was always looking at him and how I thought he needed to be different.
When my eyes were back on Jesus and I was studying my Bible every day, things began to change. I felt better, had joy for the first time in my life, and began to truly love my husband. It was amazing how the whole thing worked! Alan wasn't any different, in fact, he was still being totally wrong. My outlook, my focus was all that had changed. Now, I have to say, he has come around on some things but he is still very much like he has been for most of our 25 yrs of marriage.
Lately, I have noticed my attitude is almost back where it was for most of our marriage, too. I have caught myself playing the wrong role again. The Casting Crowns song, "Alter and the Door" comes to mind. Again, very sobering, very frustrating. What has changed? My focus! It's back on Alan and what he needs to change. So, this morning I pulled out my Bible and read, paying attention to all the God has said about wives. Obedience to the Father is the only source of joy and contentment. I have seen it first hand, as I have seen how joyless and discontent I am when doing things in my own way.
Titus 2:3-5, 1Peter 3:1-6, Proverbs 31:10-31, Proverbs 9:13, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 11:29, Proverbs 15:1, and Proverbs 3:5-8 (notice verse 7: be not wise in your own eyes)
http://www.createdtobehishelpmeet.org/
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